THE CHURCH OF BACON

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1. B1. Be Skeptical.

We are a church of skeptics and atheists. Our religion is to doubt religion. We are a non-prophet organization.

Keep learning. Accept scientific consensuses. Promote science and reason.

2. Respect Boundaries.

We accept anyone into the church and you may worship another God besides Bacon.

However, we support separation of church and state. Faith-based arguments from one group of people have no business in government decisions that affect all of the people.

Religious organizations that pressure government to their worldview violate the basic rights of minority religions and non-religious people of the world.

3. Normalize Atheists.

We oppose discrimination against nonbelievers. Religious people are not superior to the rest of us. Skeptics and atheists do not lack a moral compass. We are an important and growing minority. We deserve a normalized, respected place in families, communities, and public discourse.

It’s not enough to notice discrimination. We need speak up when it happens.

4. Normalize Religion.

We oppose special privileges in the law for religious organizations. There is nothing about people of faith and their groups that makes them better than secular non-profits.

5. Have Fun.

We have fun. We mock all beliefs, even our own. At least Bacon is demonstrably real, unlike God, but some skeptics even question this “theory”.

6. Be Good.

Unlike some religions, we don’t get tangled in unproveable supernatural interpretations of goodness that might be manipulated or misinterpreted to justify anything. Just be kind to people while respecting their boundaries.

Baconists love people of all races, backgrounds, sexual orientations, genders, and beliefs. The divine smell of bacon is bestowed equally on all people (except those who have no sense of smell, for whom baconists feel much pity)

7. Be Generous.

Like some religions teach, you should love your neighbor. That’s why we accept no donations.

8. Praise Bacon!

Bacon is our god, but that’s just a term of endearment. We don’t believe that Bacon is actually spiritual, though smelling it is surely a Divine Experience. We also like donuts because they are Holey.

In the beginning there was the Big Bang, which begat all of time and space. Eventually sacrificial pigs evolved and the God of Bacon came to be.

Praise Bacon! If you don’t like pigs, you may praise Vegetarian Bacon or Turkey Bacon. Or just love the smell.

Bacon is not jealous. You may have other gods or no gods before Bacon.

We are entirely different from those who worship the Flying Spaghetti Monster, for we prefer our pasta on top of our bacon, while they prefer their bacon on top of their pasta. But that’s cool. Again, we accept everyone who loves the smell of bacon. Also, bacon is real.

The Great Mystery of Bacon is whether it is male or female. Bacon Prophet and Founder John Whiteside has listened closely to frying Bacon and has been unable to determine its gender from the sound of sizzle. He found that the more he turned up the heat, the more aggressive Bacon got. We do not need to understand all mysteries about Bacon to love of the smell of Bacon.

9. Pay Taxes

Unlike other churches, the United Church of Bacon does not claim tax exempt status. We pay our taxes just like everyone else, because we do not believe that religions are inherently better than everyone else.

Each year in the United States, $88 billion in revenue is not collected from churches because of religious tax exemptions. This money would feed all Americans on food stamps and leave more than $10 billion for housing the homeless. Religions receive many other unfair privileges, including not needing to report how donations are spent, an oversight that would limit abuse.

We need to take religion off of its pedestal and make it normal, like other non-profits. Unlike the churches of other religions, Baconists pay taxes and do not ask for donations, unless it is to subsidize the pork industry.

Our Mission

Acting on our beliefs gives us a mission!

PAT SAYS;

I think that the Church of Bacon is a funny and satirical way of holding RELIGION (not spirituality) up to ridicule.

Most religions have beliefs that are crazy in the context of the 21st century.

In every modern democratic society there should be freedom of religion - unless a religion espouses activities that break the law.

But NO RELIGION should be allowed to dictate the constitution and laws of any country.

NO RELIGION should be given special treatment in any country.

As the Church of Bacon says: PRAISE THE LARD !