Thursday, 28 January 2016

MONKS TAKE OVER AT QUB

BREAKING NEWS !!!!


St Bernard of Clairveaux Monastery, Malone Road, Belfast


In his inscrutable wisdom His Lordship the Bishop of Downensis and Conorensis Most Reverend Noelensis Treanorensis has sent in the monks to take over the Queen's University of Belfast!


Noelensis Treanorensis


The founding abbot of the new foundation is the former Down and Connor priest and former monk of Portglenone Monastery and former monk of Roscrea Monastery, Father Gerard Magee OCSO (AKA: Father Aelred) . His appointment is with the approval of his abbot (Portgelnone ? Roscrea ? ) and the setting aside, "ad interim" of his Cistercian Vow of Stability.

Father Aelred


Father Magee replaces Father Gary Theology of the Body Toman who has been sent to establish a new foundation at Glenarm in County Antrim. 


Fr Gary TOTB Toman


The staff and students at QUB are awaiting the introduction of new by laws.

Will they have to give up sex and replace it with sext?

Will lectures start at 4 am each morning?

Will QUB students be required to wear a black and white habit?




Will the Students Union Building be required to have SILENT DISCOS at weekends?

Will all QUB dining facilities be replaced by vegetarian facilities?

Will the pubs around QUB and Shaftesbury Square only be able to sell alcohol on Feast Days?


Latest picture from QUB students union bar


Will QUB open a monastery farm on the Malone Road and will we see cows grazing in front of the iconic QUB building?


New QUB "Scones"


Will the staff and students have to go out and pick up the cow dung before lectures to run the new QUB energy efficient heating system?  



DR TREANOR'S REVOLUTION:

When Noelensis Treanorensis was appointed bishop of Downensis et Conorensis in 2008 we were told of his marvellous vision for the future of Our Holy Mother the Church which he developed during his long sojourn in the lands of St Columbanus and St Gall.

We had great expectations for his episcopate but as time goes by it is becoming quite clear that our expectations will be greatly exceeded.

I never thought I would live to see QUB being taken over by the Cistercians.

What next? The Sisters of Mercy installed at Stormont?

The Little Sisters of the Poor running Hillsborough Castle?

The Little Sisters of Brother Charles on Cyprus Avenue?

I just hope his ambitious plans for QUB will not be undermined by the residents of the Malone Road objecting to the smell of silage and cows s***   

20 comments:

  1. Pat,
    This appointment raises so many questions that it is difficult to know where to begin ?
    Just when Fr Eugene 'lost' his ad interim title we now have a new ad interim, namely Fr Aelred, or is it back to dear olde Fr Gerry ? It's all very confusing for a simple PP such as myself.
    Could Bishop Noel please advise us how we are to address Fr "Aelred" ad interim (ad in)ie perhaps Fr Aelred OCSO, (Fr Magee) Chaplain QUB (ad in)
    Does + Noel have any idea the confusion this appointment is causing ?
    Also, I know of one fellow PP who had aspirations to succeed Fr Toman, and his dream now lies crushed.
    I would advise my brother PP,to keep on doing his good work in the vineyard of Co Down, and leave the new "ad interim" to it.

    PP D&C.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is AI the shortened form of ad interim?

      In any event the monastery farm at QUB will needs at least one AI man for the herd.

      Delete
  2. Why was the Very Reverend Dr Hugh P Kennedy,(Former Dean St Peter's) not considered for the post of Chaplain QUB ?
    He clearly had the intellectual ability, and also the cultural sensitivity to fulfill such a role.
    Perhaps he could even have lectured part-time in the Music Department, as he is a renowned expert on the French composer Durufle. QUB is the loser I fear in Dr Kennedy going to W London.

    LUX.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lux, really, the former Dean wouldn't have been able to tolerate those horrible unwashed bumpkins, from abominable places like Fear Manach, An Dún, Doire, Aointrim, Ard Mhacha and Tir Eoghan, who don't know their places in Loyal Ulster and Royal Belfast, roaming about in their GAA tops, swilling dorty big pints and not a bottle of Domaine Leroy Musigny Grand Cru in sight!!

      The Big Dean has been called, by God, to the House of the Canonesses, to minister to the young rascals of Sloane Square and Chelsea, redolent of Aqua di Parma, who need the Dean's firm hand to chastise and guide them, when they get a bit high-spirited, after a few bottles of Pernod-Ricard Perrier-Jouet!!

      Talking of same: I met Big Lily at the tap af the Gravner the other day and she was saying the Big Dean just upped and left - not a word til nobody - just got himself happed up in thon big cloak he wears with the wee chain across the front of it, jumped intil a carriage and away.

      The only sound was Nigelica squealin' and bawlin', running up Prince Albert St after the carriage.

      "Ah hope yizzer happy nigh", said Big Lily, yiz av' driv' im' out so yiz have!! His only crime was frivolity!! Driv' out by Phylistimes who wooden know Duruflé from Diamonté!!

      Oh Big Lily is livid so she is. And wait til she gits her eyes on Bishop Treanor - her tongue won't be fit til be listened til, so it'll nat!

      Delete
    2. The Great Dane has been transported by his gods, out of the squalor of Divis where only Nigella loved him (and Big Lily), body and soul, to the glory of Knightsbridge, where a whole new and fresh batch of "lovely guys" await his solicitous attentions.

      Delete
  3. MourneManMichael28 January 2016 at 16:14

    I'm much perplexed as to what this is about, if anything, other than disenchantment with +Noel T. If it is the latter, it might be more useful to link it to known facts, and while yes much non positive info has been bandied about in previous blogs, taking this one as a 'stand-alone' simply makes no sense.
    MMM

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry MMM, It is much about general disenchantment and perplexity about the administration of D&C. One of those Blogs that means more to diocesan "insiders".

      Delete
  4. Dear MMM,
    Fr Aelred OCSO, was formerly a D&C Priest who was Head of Music for many years in St Malachy's College, Belfast. Approx 10 yrs ago he joined Portglenone monastery, hence the OCSO attachment to his name. A year ago he transferred to another monastery in Roscrea, Co Tipperary. Now we hear he's heading back to Belfast as Chaplain to QUB.
    What happened to his vow of stability as a monk ?
    Is he now returning to be a Diocesan Priest ?
    How could he live his monastic life in a University Chaplain role ?
    I think if you have chosen to live as a Cistercian monk, after many years as a Diocesan Priest,then you might be better to stay with the new path, than returning to the old one ; just a thought.

    PP D&C.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You have an irrefutable point. I thought monks were suppised to 'stay put', as it were.

      Delete
  5. Given the "state of chassis" this Diocese is in, I am surprised that Fr Aelred is returning to Belfast.
    I would have thought that either Portglenone or Roscrea, might have provided more "balm" for the soul, than that hotbed of sin, namely QUB.

    D&C Cleric.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I always felt that Fr Aelred,was better suited to a life in the world, than a monastery cloister.
    He struck me as a rather intense figure, though I must say, he had a good sense of humour and was quite entertaining when one would meet him.
    He liked a smoke & a G & T, and I felt that humanized him a bit. He also could turn "the air blue", as many a musician in St Malachy's learnt, when they played a ' B flat ' instead of a 'C Sharp '!

    D&C Cleric.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Excuse my ignorance, but what is a "Vow of Stability" or is this a pun for "Vow of Celibacy"?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Vow of Stability is an extra vow monks take - to stay in one monastery ALL YOUR LIFE.

      As well as the ordinary vows of Poverty, Chastity and Obedience the Cistercians take 2 other vows:

      1. The Vow of Stability

      2. The Vow of Conversion of Life.

      Delete
    2. The Vow of Stability is an extra vow monks take - to stay in one monastery ALL YOUR LIFE.

      As well as the ordinary vows of Poverty, Chastity and Obedience the Cistercians take 2 other vows:

      1. The Vow of Stability

      2. The Vow of Conversion of Life.

      Delete
  8. Pat,
    Is QUB Chaplaincy now to be considered a monastery ?

    LUX.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well it is now presided over by a monk of the strict observance.

      Delete
  9. I hope these monks don't have any dirty habits.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Everyone knows that Queens will not tolerate dirty monks!!
    Cleanliness is next to Godliness!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Is there a song about this "Send in the Monks (Clowns)

    ReplyDelete
  12. The casual observer, like myself, would be forgiven for thinking that Fr Aelred and Dr Kennedy were playing some sort of game of diocesean musical chairs !!

    ReplyDelete