Tuesday, 4 July 2017

HELPING A NEW PRIEST ABUSE VICTIM



I HAVE SPENT THE LAST FEW DAYS LISTENING TO / TRYING TO HELP A MAN IN HIS 40'S WHO WAS RAPED BY A PRIEST WHEN HE WAS TEN!

The young man and the priest are both from a Northern Ireland Catholic diocese. The victim has never spoken about his abuse before.

He was a ten year old altar boy at the time of the abuse. He was a particularly good looking boy and has retained some of those good looks.

After Mass one morning the priest dismissed the other altar boys and asked Kevin (not his real name) to wait behind.

The priest then locked the sacristy and church doors and went back to rape the frightened altar boy.

The priest felt the boy all over his body through his clothing and ran his hands through his hair.

He then pulled down the boy's blue jeans and underwear and abused the boys genitals with his mouth.

When he was finished that he turned the boy around and bent him over. He then lubricated his own penis and raped the boy until he bled!

Image result for boy rape victim

He then cleaned the boy with the sacristy water and towel and sent him on to school.

The priest warned him not to tell anyone as no one would believe him.

He also was told that his parents would not believe him, that they would beat him for lying about the priest and that he would be sent to a home or a boarding school.

The boy only got the courage to tell his female cousin about this attack last week - 34 years after it had happened.

In the meantime the boy - trying to deal with his abuse and rape - became very angry and boisterous - got into minor trouble with the police - and has abused alcohol and drugs.

He is not in a good place these days.


He is very fragile and he needs to be helped to do something about all of this. But I know he will have to do it in easy steps and easy stages.

My hope is to get him to open up a little more about it all and how it has affected him.

I then want to accompany him to make a complaint to the police - whom he does not like.

I then want us to let the priest's dioceses know and get them to pay for therapy for him - as I have done before with others.

THE PRIEST:


Image result for abusing priest
Let me assure my readers that the alleged priest in question is not in active ministry and therefore not in a position to hurt any others. For now I will not address the priest's identity or situation.

Were he I would have been on to the police - with or without the permission of the victim.


My priority now is to help the victim move from the bad place he is at to a better place.

I know how to do that - and I will not fail this victim in anyway.


But let it be a reminder to readers that there are still many victims out there who have yet to come forward.

Please keep Kevin and them in your thoughts and prayers.



65 comments:

  1. Thoughts and prayers for Kevin and all sufferers of abuse and prayers too for you +Pat and your treasured ministry. X

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  2. And how pray tell did the Man just happen upon you to tell his tale of abuse?

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    Replies
    1. His female cousin telephoned me.

      I have done this work many times before.

      Victims know I will not try and put them off - unlike many "in good standing" clerics.

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  3. I presume the abusive git is already in jail, because if he is not, u need to get him there quickly.

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  4. Please pass on my good wishes to Kevin, along with my sorrow that such an unspeakable thing was done to him.

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  5. We can all shout and rant on here about many things. The reality is that Christians are called to be healers following the example of Christ. I hope we all will respond to your request to pray for Kevin and hope he finds peace and justice

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    1. I suspect he would like quite a few bob too. (On just to heal his pain - of course!) There's nothing like a six figure sum to heal the hurts!

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    2. Disgusting, cynical comment.

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  6. Pat, if you know how to move him to a better place, please tell us how, so that we can do it too.
    Brian Redmond, Japap

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    1. It's a process. Difficult. But achievable.

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  7. Pat, with all due respect you ae not a suitable counsellor for any clerical sex abuse victim. Not alone do you have too much personal baggage, you also reveal too many unresolved personal issues with the church. You could - albeit unwittingly, end up doing more harm than good.
    Best leave the poor man to the professionals, eh?

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    Replies
    1. I have already involved a psychology expert.

      But I do want to protect him from "professional" bishops, priests and £90,000 a year church safeguarding officers.

      You have no idea of the work I have done in this area, with victims and abusers, for 40 years now.

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    2. Following on from what 8.29 says how many priests are properly trained for what they find in the field. What training do priests get to manage the confessional presuming that 3 hail Marys is not a quick fix for everything. With respect I think the criticism of you is unfair. There are things for the internal and external forum. I believe you respect the boundary appropriately. Does every priest know when to whom and how to refer when appropriate.

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    3. Sean what training is there in the C of E for clergy and lay people?

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    4. 15.08 All sorts. Much is community based. There is Authorised Lay Minister. Reader Ordained Local Minister. Stipendiary (paid) vicar. There is also missionary in the community based activity. Easiest thing to is to look up ministry in the church of England on line and follow the links. There is also a foundation for ministry course which is open to those who are not sure what they want. Most courses are accessed via local vicar or enquire on line or phone up. Hope this helps

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  8. With respect Pat it may never be achievable. I hope it is in this case.

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    1. I agree. But we must try very hard to do all we can about his pain and his future.

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  9. GORGEOUS

    It's taken me about an hour but I've finally been able to figure out who Gorgeous is. Your blog is very confusing. All these nicknames that unless someone is reading every day they haven't a clue what you are on about. Im still trying to figure out who King Puck is.

    Im sure your readers would love to see the photos that Gorgeous was swapping over Grindr. I would bang that lad into the middle of next week. lol. He really is HOT AS XXXX!

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    Replies
    1. Hardly a complimentary comment on a deacon?

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    2. In my day we wanted the Sacraments and spiritual guidance from priests. Nowadays people want sex from them. My God.

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    3. No, Pat has strictly forbidden abusive put-down remarks on this blog thankfully. I hope to God that also applies to obscene pictures, thank you!

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  10. Pat for heavens sake what has "good looks" got to do with the rape of a child? I cannot believe that you have mentioned this totally irrelevant factor, even more so that he has retained his good looks to this day (almost as if you find him attractive?) For goodness sake don't let yourself down with such asinine comments. This detracts from the very real good you are doing for this wounded person, and gives your enemies much ammunition to attack you with. A friend.

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    1. I think you are missing out on something here.

      Are you saying that an abusing priest is NOT more attracted to a good looking boy than a less good looking boy?

      If so you are not up to speed on what really happens.

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    2. Bishop Pat you are right. In the 50's I was an altar boy in Roscommon and the only altar boy the Canon didn't touch up.

      My family still say to me to today: "You should thank God you were an ugly little bastard" :-)

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    3. 10.27. Jazs even in Roscommon. I'm from Castlerea. I wonder if I was an ugly B or just lucky never to have enough never to have encountered the bad stuff.

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  11. Prudent judgment is called for in assessing any claim of child sexual abuse. Sadly there are those motivated by money who will make unfounded allegations to secure a payout, the fact that they destroy someone in the process doesn't bother them. There have been several instances of this in Ireland to date. In one instance the accuser was sent to prison when his lies were uncovered.
    The vast majority of accusations are sadly shown to be true and the full rigours of the law should be applied in such cases. But prudent judgment is essential. Given the kind of comments you have made Pat, and the puerile humor you display with doctored photos of bishops etc, I as a clinical psychologist would deem you most unsuitable for dealing with trauma of any kind.

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    1. A "clinical psychologist" who makes judgements about people they never met is very suspect to me.

      Next time you get a break from your hundreds of clients look at some of the excellent work available on the Psychology of Humour

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  12. Re/the "altar boy in Roscommon"
    Of course we get the point that your family continue to make to you --and it was a great mercy that you escaped that dreadful abuser - - but I do not admire them in the least for feeling that it was/is acceptable to describe any child(least of all their own!) as "an ugly little bastard".
    I hope they emphasised to you that beauty wasn't just about outward looks and that you were very precious to them because of all your inner beauty of personality, character and talents. The next time one of your family refer to you as an "ugly little bastard" ask them if they managed to see any beauty in their child at all? What did they think a thoughtless remark---even if well meant - - - would do to a young person's self esteem?
    I bet it never even occurred to them... But it's good for you to hear someone say this it to you and I am happy to do it although no doubt I will incur criticism from people who choose - choose - to misunderstand. Some of the most beautiful children I ever taught had lesser physical beauty than others.

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    1. I have a permanent psychology / analysis advisor to advise and help me on all these matters.

      I always have and always will refer people to suitable professionals.

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    2. Oh God! Make me beautiful within.

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  13. Your 'without is no oil painting either!��

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  14. BREAKING NEWS:

    Cardinal Joachim Meisner, one of the four cardinals who sent Pope Francis the dubia asking for clarity on Amoris Laetitia, died at 83 today still awaiting the clarification.

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    1. a gentle soul. he will receive his great reward of eternal life

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  15. Good riddance to the old fart. He has his answers now!

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  16. Cardinal Meisner was a good and kindly man whose while life was in God's service. I thought was going to exclude rude and offensive posts?

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  17. Pat, what is this latest gay scandal in the Vatican? Someone told me about it but very few details. Maybe you haven't heard it.

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    1. It isn't the Papal MC Monsignor Marini? He's a high flyer, enjoys the finer things in life. Cocktail parties for all the good looking young Clerics in the Curia, they all flock around him because they think he has influence. If you get invited to one of Marini's soirées then you can be assured of the best food and drink money can buy.

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    2. Guido 'Linda-Lovelace' Marini.

      https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/e1/94/95/e194958b9a28d5da31da15769456bdd5--mons-catholic.jpg

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    3. Marini has a soft spot for the good looking young things studying at the North American College in Roma. His Vatican apartment is giving a Palace a different name. He's well protected judging by the number of young Guardia Svizzera who stay there sometimes.

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    4. Who is this Guardia?

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    5. But the merits thereof being grossly exaggerated, as always.
      Relax--believe me, you're missing nothing.
      Nothing that matters at any rate.

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    6. 20.09That would be for me to decide, not you. Thanks.

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    7. You are missing nothing, at least nothing that they could fix...

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    8. I was glad to get out of it too. It can be very hollow and people are easily left out of things

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    9. As a point of information, can I say that the Pope's Swiss Guards live in their own separate barracks in the Vatican City. There are a small number of apartments reserved for members of this army who have married. The regulations are traditional and strict.


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  18. 11.47
    Beauty is in the eye of the beholder...so you wrong on that account
    As long as u were a kindly teacher...that's all that matters.

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    Replies
    1. I think the earlier poster who replied to the Roscommon altar boy was lovely and made their point very well. But apparently not everyone quite got the point (as the poster himself predicted would happen...)

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  19. Pat I think u are a lovely man....inside and out
    From a woman who has been around and about !!!!!!!!!!!

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    1. Thank you Young Lady :-)

      My sexual abuse at the age of 6 made me feel very ugly in every way.

      In my 40s I did my therapy and have been in a good place.

      At 65 I am more interested in inner beauty.

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    2. i didnt know you had been abused Pat. I'm sorry to hear this

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    3. That's ok. All behind me now.

      It gives me insight / empathy with others who experienced the same or similar.

      "If life gives you lemons - make lemonade :-)

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  20. Pat I don't know if any posters commented on this
    Why should a dioceses pay for treatments
    The money is ours...us laity
    It should be vaticanmoney that helps the abused..
    But then exactly who owns the Vatican money...in fact prob us too
    They need to sell taffeta and chalices and rare paintings to fund theses treatments.
    Yes someone has to pay for theses obscenities......just asking the readers here....who should ?????

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  21. Good old Joe Public has to fork out.. Yes? It was ever thus...

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  22. ALL the money the Catholic Church has originates in money given by faithful Catholics.

    They spend money in a lot worse ways than on healing abused people.

    More money should be spent on those Jesus said it should be spent on = the hungry, the thirsty, the sick, prisoners, the homeless etc.

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    Replies
    1. There is a report in the Times about police breaking up a gay orgy in the Vatican.

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  23. Exactly , pat, well said
    Ps. I'm 78 far from being a young lady.
    Keep on doing your good work xx

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  24. Such as the work of St Vincent de Paul amongst the needy, especially around Christmas...

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  25. 16.08
    Not sure about your reply there
    The comment ugly barstewart was most likely a joke in the family.
    I'm sure that family were ever so happy that none of theirs got abused.
    So what's a joke between happy siblings...all good

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    Replies
    1. Mmm--maybe... You're right... Some kids are often subjected to a joke with a jag... We all had to laugh things off in our time, I suppose.

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  26. I'm of the opinion that charity needs to be practiced each and every day
    After all Christmas is just another day in most people's lives.

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  27. Albeit with a lot more expense for most families...

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  28. True...the religious element is long gone
    So I try to regard Christmas as the time for some family bonding
    And leave the gorging on food to whoever
    A glass of wine is enough for most

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  29. Anything on Channel 4 news tonight? I wonder.

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  30. Pat, can you put the next instalment up by Midnight. I hate having to last all night with intrigue until tomorrow morning. Just a kind request from a keen observer of the blog. Thank You.

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