Tuesday, 10 October 2017

TEENAGE PAEDOPHILES



BY: LUKE MALONE

We have a few go-to archetypes when it comes to pedophilia: There is the playground lurker, the chat-room predator, and the monstrous (often religious) authority figure. These men are usually middle-aged, unrepentant serial abusers who are caught only after remaining undetected for years. But what about the preceding decades? When do these urges first begin to manifest?
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders defines a pedophile as an individual who “over a period of at least six months” has “recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors involving sexual activity with a prepubescent child or children.” This person also has to have “acted on these sexual urges, or the sexual urges or fantasies cause marked distress or interpersonal difficulty,” and be “at least age 16 years and at least five years older than the child or children” involved.

Anecdotal evidence suggests that most pedophiles first notice an attraction toward children when they themselves are between 11 and 16, mirroring that of any other sexual awakening. It can be a confusing time for any of us, but imagine realizing that you’re attracted to little kids. How do these young men and women negotiate that with no viable role models or support network? There is no It Gets Better for pedophiles. Are they all fated to end up as child molesters? Or is it possible for them to live a life without hurting children at all?
I spoke with experts and asked around online. I came across a site for self-described pedophiles who acknowledged their attraction and wanted help dealing with it. But the men I met were in their 50s and 60s, and I’d hoped to speak with someone younger, someone still coming to terms with what he was learning about himself. I asked them if they knew anyone like that, and a few weeks later I received an email.
“My name is Adam,” it read. “I’m 18 and non-exclusively attracted to boys and girls of all ages (particularly very young ones). I am the leader of a support group for non-offending pedophiles around my age… I would be very happy to talk with you.”
Adam is now 20 (his name, like those of other young men in this article, has been changed). He has a slightly chubby build and messy, medium-brown hair. The first time we spoke at length about his attractions, we were sitting in his old, beat-up car, in the lot of a park near the house he shares with his parents and two older brothers. It had become our regular meeting place. 
Talking about his pedophilic urges, Adam refused to look me in the eye, though he often stole glances when he thought I wasn’t looking. He first noticed his attraction toward young children when he was 11. He’d developed a crush on a kindergartener at school, a boy, his desire fueled by brief, furtive glimpses of him in the halls. By the time he reached 16, his sexual interest in kids had become more defined. He found himself attracted primarily to boys between three and seven and girls aged five to eight.
When I pressed him about what he finds most attractive in a child, he shifted in the car seat from side to side, and eventually managed to say: “Small body, hairless legs, you know, things like that… like small genitalia.” But there is a strong emotional pull, a potent idea of innocence that, he explained, is far more intoxicating than anatomy. “A lot of us tend to have, I think, unrealistic views of kids,” he said. “To the point that they’re kind of angelic.” This purity, he told me, is what keeps in check his urge to act on his desires. “I see an innocence in children that would be violated,” he said.

He scoured the internet looking for a way to help him break his porn “addiction” and deal with his attraction to children, and ended up at a general mental health forum. This site stated that new visitors must offer an introductory message. “I know that pedophiles don’t choose to be pedophiles,” he wrote. “I didn’t want my attraction. I don’t want my attraction. But the attraction is there, and all I can do is try to curb it.”
The response to his post was mixed. Some commenters were working through their own abuse history, and couldn’t stomach the idea of helping a self-confessed pedophile. But two female sexual-abuse survivors eventually came forward, convinced that he was of an age where a change could still be made. One of them, Adam believes, had suffered particularly brutal abuse, abuse that was filmed, and their conversations about the evils of child pornography would often trigger her past traumas. “She cared about me,” he said. “But she made it known that she felt I deserved whatever the law decided to do with me if I were caught for the CP [child porn].
One night, while his father was out, Adam walked into his parents’ room and handed a note to his mother as she was lying in bed. 
Dear Mommy, I am writing this letter to you as I cannot bring myself to say what I need to say to you to your face. It would simply be too painful for me, and I don’t want you to see me cry and struggle, nor do I want you to be pained by seeing me do so… I find that I am seldom happy, and very rarely go through days when I am entirely happy… I am always overshadowed with feelings of depression, guilt and shame. I’m really sick and tired of covering these feelings up… I want you to let me see a psychologist, and for both your and my own privacy, I don’t want you to be in any way acquainted with him/her… I understand that you probably have a lot to ask me, but I need some time to get my head wrapped around things. I thank you in advance for my privacy. Love, Adam.
He didn’t explain the source of his depression and his mother decided not to ask. The next morning, she pulled him aside and told him she would find him a local therapist who took their insurance.
It was a Friday morning when Adam went to see a therapist. As he sat with his mother in the waiting room, the reality of what was about to happen washed over him. He was overwhelmed. He was about to vocalize a secret he’d only ever previously admitted to strangers on the internet.
He was called into her office, his heart racing as he stepped toward the door. She closed it behind them, offered him a seat, and began the session. His body began to shake as he explained that he suffered from anxiety. She asked what was making him anxious, and he just blurted it out: “I’m a pedophile and I’m addicted to child pornography.”
She blinked at him for a moment and then asked him to repeat himself. When he did, her mood changed. “She just became extremely cold and harsh,” he said. “She even, a few times, almost got to the level of shouting.” She suggested that he was simply nervous around kids his own age a reaction Ive learned is common among therapists with limited experience in this area. She told him she wasn’t trained to deal with the situation, but she would ask around for information on how to help him and scheduled a second session for a couple of weeks later.
There is currently no mechanism for treating someone who has pedophilic urges and hasn’t acted on them. A major roadblock is the existence of mandatory reporting laws, which dictate that people in certain professions must report suspicion of child abuse and neglect to Child Protective Services. (The individuals required to make a report varies from state to state; it can include all citizens but is usually restricted to those whose work puts them in regular contact with children, such as teachers, police, and psychologists.)
There is a lot we still don’t know about pedophilia—one researcher described our scientific understanding of it as a series of “pretty big black holes.” We don’t know, for example, how someone comes by an attraction for prepubescent children in the first place. The research we do have, and this is derived from very small sample sizes, suggests that those attracted to kids tend to be shorter, left-handed, and have a lower IQ than the broader population. Another study found that being knocked unconscious before the age of 13 might be a factor. This may sound like quackery, but it points toward biological causation. In other words, it’s likely that pedophiles are born this way

Paula Adam's motherm, copes by being pragmatic. She helped her son find a new therapist, one better equipped to help him deal with his attractions. And when that new therapist suggested he remove all information on the two computers he used to access child porn, so as to reduce temptation and possible legal ramifications, she led the charge. “Adam told me that the only way to do that would be to actually replace the hard drives, because writing over them or just deleting information does not actually get rid of it—it’s still embedded, it’s still there,” she said, adding that they destroyed the originals. “I didn’t want him to be at any risk whatsoever, and I felt the thing to do was to immediately get rid of it.”

Adam’s new therapist put him on Zoloft and taught him to resist the urge to identify with the child molesters he encountered in the media. “A lot of it was, ‘I’m a monster’ for having viewed that stuff but also just for having these attractions,” he said. “What you hear in the media and online and how people talk, it sinks in, you know? You don’t even question it. It’s just kind of a fact.”
One day he typed the words “young pedophile” into Google, and his original thread on the mental health board was the first entry to come up. But when he started to scroll down he saw similar entries on other boards, ones with headlines like “I’m a young pedophile and I need some help” and “How can I get free counseling? I’m a teenage pedophile.” Desperate for someone to relate to, he started reaching out. “I’d say, ‘I’m a pedophile. I used to have a child porn addiction. I know what you’re going through,’” he said. “‘You obviously need help, and I know someone else around our age who’s like that. I think we could be a good support for you and vice versa.’”

Speaking with members of the group, it’s apparent their concern about detection sits close to the surface each citing a fear of rejection by family and friends, and the unwanted attention of law enforcement. Yet, Adam explained that many are willing to risk it rather than continue to battle their demons alone. “For a pedophile, there is almost no place to go and get information or any sort of help,” he said. “I’m sure that there are pedophiles who kill themselves who never come out as that. Who never admit to it, even in a suicide letter. I think there’s probably a lot more than people would realize.”

There are currently nine members, ranging in age from 16 to 22, eight men and one woman, though Adam said others have come and gone over the years. Some members hail from as far abroad as the Philippines, but language barriers confine most participants to the U.S. and the U.K. His group has two rules. The first is that you can’t have offended or harbor any intention to do so; those who question the concept are banished if they can’t be convinced otherwise. The second is a commitment to stopping the use of child pornography. Adam told me it’s okay if you come into the group as a user, but you must be devoted to quitting.
Adam’s mom recently found out about the group. Realizing that support is elusive to those in his situation, she accepts it. But she also harbors reservations about them operating without the oversight of professionals. “We need to understand the problem so that we can find appropriate ways to fix it. The way to help is to identify anyone that wants help,” Paula said. “We have to make connections. Just as they have things like hotlines for people to come forward and get help with problems they’re having, there has to be something available and advertised for young people that may be having these thoughts and these urges.

Historically, attempts to change sexual impulses have included arousal reconditioning, which involves, essentially, getting men to masturbate to fantasies of their preferred target and then switching to something more socially acceptable right before climax. But there is also the opposite, like satiation training, where patients masturbate to fantasies over and over again until they are drained of desire.
Dr. Klaus Beier doesn’t believe in sexual reconditioning. He leads the team behind Prevention Project Dunkelfeld, a therapeutic program based in Germany that targets potential offenders. He believes that minor attraction is a fixed part of someone’s makeup, that it’s “fate and not choice.” His program is considered the global gold standard of preventive treatment, and its practitioners help adults manage their attraction to children rather than try to change it. “In my view, it’s not the inclination that’s a problem,” he said. “And I wouldn’t condemn the inclination, I’d condemn the behavior.” The program consists of weekly therapy sessions for up to 12 months. They favor cognitive behavioral therapy, but also offer libido-reducing medication, otherwise known as chemical castration, if a patient needs to reduce his sexual drive in order to benefit from treatment.
The cornerstone of the program, according to Beier, is confidentiality. Germany doesn’t have mandated reporting, and that, he said, makes it easier for men to seek treatment. The project’s aim is to bring as many undetected men forward as possible, which is more easily achieved when you remove the threat of punitive action. This includes men who have already molested a child in addition to non-offending pedophiles. In English, Dunkelfeld translates to “dark field.” Beier said most cases of child sexual abuse go unreported, and though it can be ethically challenging to suggest that sex offenders evade immediate prosecution, he and his colleagues believe that it’s better to bring them into the light for the sake of preventing further instances of abuse.
While Adam contributes to discussions there from time to time, his focus remains on the young men who come to his own group for help. James, for one, speaks with a clear reverence for Adam. Though his status as a sex offender means he must attend court-mandated therapy, it is Adam and the others that he credits with helping keep him on the right path. It’s also not lost on him that, for everyone else, it is the only lifeline they have. “If they want help, if they want to be better, to try and fix their behavior and be a better person, he’s never given up on them,” he said. “He didn’t give up on me, he didn’t give up on Mike, he never gave up on any of us.”

The last time I saw Adam in person we found ourselves sitting, once again, in his car. We had been talking for a few hours and were about to finish up when I asked him what it feels like to be not only a pedophile, but something of a pioneer. He paused for a moment before answering. “It’s one part of what defines me. You know, a small part of the puzzle,” he said. “Part of me is a pedophile but that’s not all I am. I’m also, I think, a very decent person in a lot of other ways. I’m definitely a very caring person… I have hobbies, I have interests, I have studies, and things like that all put together define who I am.”

FULL ARTICLE:

https://medium.com/matter/youre-16-youre-a-pedophile-you-dont-want-to-hurt-anyone-what-do-you-do-now-e11ce4b88bdb
PAT SAYS:

I found this article both very sad and very challenging.

People cannot talk about pedophilia with getting very angry - which in one sense is understandable.

But everything in life also needs a rational discussion and rational solutions.

Its one thing to jail offenders - which is the correct thing to do.

But imagine if you were a parent or a family with Adam's problem - Adam who has desires and urges he has never acted on.

There has to be help for anyone who has a big problem.

Surely there has to be help for people like Adam - if for no other reason but to prevent him ever acting on his urges???

59 comments:

  1. Bishop Buckley, I normally agree with you on many things but please not this. I find this blog inappropriate, unsavoury and I think you should remove it. Why would anyone want to discuss this? Please don't prevent me from losing credibility in you. I acknowledge a debate may need to be had,but there are so many victims of paedophilia out there by religious institutions who refuse to compensate them, victims of Smyth, Green etc who you have highlighted yourself in the past, this particular blog is crass and insensitive to victims. I do really question your judgement on this one. Not impressed.

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    1. I can understand you finding this topic unpleasant.

      But this issue faces every community in the world and needs much more discussion.

      This is a topic that can face any family anywhere.

      Delete
    2. This blog is inappropriate? Your faith is inappropriate for it is based on a Bible basher, Jesus, who banned women from divorcing their husbands and remarrying knowing fine well that when they wed they were only children. When you read the vicious rules against wives given by the entity in the Old Testament who the New says was the same being as Jesus. Then think of this. Read child bride where you read adulteress or wife. You will then see how evil the doctrine of the sacredness of the Bible is. I am glad though you mentioned Father Eugene Greene who ran riot in Raphoe while the bishops and priests looked the other way. Breaking the Silence which covers the story is now on Amazon Kindle.

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  2. Child psychiatrists deal with young people with distortions of many kinds such as this all the time. I think it's best left to specialists who have carefully studied all the issues which will arise. That way we can ensure that we don't do more harm than good. It wasn't invented last week and has been the subject of many seminars and closed conferences where experts exchange ideas particularly with regard to the most effective ways to treat and help young people.

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    1. In the US it is possible for therapists to apply for a temporary certificate excusing them from mandatory reporting when they are treating someone like Adam.

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    2. That information is inaccurate. Laws on mandatory reporting vary from state to state, so there is no one US law to be excused from, but rather some 50 or so different laws. Secondly, the codes of ethics which cover professional bodies, such as the American Psychological Association and the American Counseling Association, all consider mandatory reporting to be an ethical duty, regardless of the law, if there is a perceived threat to the safety of a child.

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    3. Yeah poster 19.20.. You got it buddy. People must report abuse.

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  3. This "Adam" should be in prison for the rest of his life. Not only is there a very high chance that he'll act on his grotesque perversions, the porn he looks at is created via the suffering participants. AFAIK possessing or viewing such material is a serious crime in the UK at least, for that very reason. Shame on Adam.

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    1. Can you send an 11 year old to prison for life? Surely there must be another way?

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    2. Please.. I replied to this kind of point already today at 1.13 am this morning - - Please re-read what I said. Children are dealt with sensitively by people who are trained treat them in the completeness they require... That may have to include all sorts of gender and psychiatric issues.. issues about how they are having access to porn to see or re-create it.(Allowing a child access to or sharing porn with a minor is at best a sign of parental responsibility neglect and at worst, a form of abuse. There are many forms of sexual abuse and neglect. When a child is not adequately protected he may perpetrate abuse on other children, knowingly or unknowingly. Adolescents go through a whole gamut of changing emotions and leanings as a normal part of some youngsters' development. Teachers are aware of this. It would be fairly unusual to immediately put the stamp "paedophile" on a mixed up exploring child trying to make sense of his feelings and behaviour. That is why I say we look at his problems, his life, his parental situation and decide where guidance and protective measures are needed for him bit always, always being aware that any potential victims are protected. I do hope this clarifies things this time. When young offenders are locked up, this is the sort of rehabilitation which should be happening alongside their schooling classes in the Unit. Of course, the old question of money and availability of resources soon raises its head!

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    3. MourneManMichael10 October 2017 at 13:46

      Anon @ 10:54: you say, "When young offenders are locked up, this is the sort of rehabilitation which should be happening alongside schooling classes in t the Unit."
      We don't live in an ideal world as you do point out in relation to the question of money and resources. But I'm obliged to wonder just how much experience you have of the realities of prison life, and, in relation to resources, the continual ideological and political battles between those advocating punishment over rehabilitation. I speak from experience of having been in prisons, ...professionally I hasten to add!
      Perhaps it might help provide a realistic understanding by simply putting "Prisons teach Criminality" into Google. All sides of the arguments are there.
      MMM

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    4. From 10.54 poster again
      To MMM
      Believe me, I do have experience in this field... lots of experience..
      I was writing from direct experience (as otherwise there would only be speculation or bits from Google)

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    5. Hey 10.54 - - you're defo a person with patience big time. You've certainly proved that!

      Delete
  4. There are connections between paedophilia and homosexuality. Multiple studies have shown direct connections. Why is this not mentioned Pat?

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    1. If what you say is true why do apparently heterosexual men abuse little girls?

      Human sexuality is very complex.

      Some experts believe that paedophilia is a sexual orientation???

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    2. And multiple abusers are HETEROSEXUAL paedophiles. Why not mention this, too, Bishop Pat? In fact, the majority of such abusers are heterosexual (fathers abusing daughters, uncles abusing nieces, grandfathers abusing granddaughters, etc)

      I'm pretty sure that 08:58 (in the interests of truth, justice and balance) meant to request this as well.

      Yes, it was probably an oversight, not an expression of homophobic bias. That sort of thing is peculiar to the uneducated and unsophisticated, isn't it?

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    3. Probably because people of every sexual orientation may have further problems, unresolved issues and may show leanings towards paedophilia. There is virtually always a history of the breakdown of normal family and social boundaries of decency. There is evidence of "learned behaviour" from other family members(perhaps going back to the perpetrator's own toddler days.) To a lesser extent there is bravado copying and peer pressure and experimentation by teenagers who, at that stage, are impervious to the damage being caused. Some people just don't mentally grow out of that denial of seriousness and they are notoriously difficult to treat and remain very dangerous. Society rightly expects to be protected from them. Paedophilia may be described sometimes to be a growing awareness in a young person's head that he is unusual or different and can appear to have "come from nowhere" but it is extremely rare to find that it is that simple. It won't be. I have already explained the issues of family history of normal "decency" boundaries being loosened OR access to unsupervised porn which is a form of parental neglect or even a prelude to abuse or encouragement to abuse (same thing really if the person is a child ie under 18 years.)For a child perpetrator good continuous guidance and supervision is essential. The outcome may vary for different individuals but many children, particularly if other school and home issues are favourable, may proceed to grow into normal well-balanced adults who now understand their earlier behaviour and why it was seriously damaging to the victim. As I said, it's the ones who don't progress and go into denial that are the problem. Finally, it goes without saying that many abused children, though scarred by their early experiences, never repeat the abuse on younger victims and remain enraged that it happened to them. They remain adamantly anti abuse for the rest of their lives. As someone said earlier, it is not a simple one size fits all.... Far from it.

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  5. What motivates people to act in a certain way is a complex issue. Certainty actions should never set out to cause willful harm to others. There should be avenues of appropriate support for people like Adam and their families if necessary

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  6. Pat, I think you have misjudged by placing this issue on your blog. This very serious issue of paedophilia needs to be discussed by professional therapists, psychiatrists and psychologists not by people who have no knowledge, as on this blog. You risk hurting and offending the many people who have been abused and you also risk crazy, uninformed and dangerous comments being blogged. Those who engage in child abuse deserve the full rigour of the law and should have to engage in rehabilitative programnes fir life. Men like "Adam: of course require professional help.The many people whose lives were and are destroyed by sexual abuse deserve our compassion, respect and understanding. They need to be heard and believed. I hooe you ensure that no contribution today adds unnecessary hurt to those already hurting. I agree totally with the comment at 00.53. I feel this blog today very disturbing because of a personal experience. I disagree with your simplistic view.

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    1. Maybe you dont know that I was a victim of abuse at age 6? It caused me untold suffering until I was 35 and engaged in very intensive therapy.

      I understand the sensitivity of the issue. But people need to talk about it and we need to be aware of the complexity.

      Imagine being the parent of Adam who knew what was affecting him at age 11.

      I totally agree with prosecution and imprisonment for those who hurt vulnerable children.

      But when we help some like Adam never to offend we are also engaging in child protection?

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    2. @10.13
      I completely agree with you.
      Complex and serious issue--I am writing a bit more along that line re/being aware that the child perpetrator needs complex assessment and care whether in our Unit or not.. But it's impossible in a short post to even start to inform people as you rightly imply.

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  7. The anger and hatred that is being expressed here towards paedophiles by certain commentors help to keep this form of sexual deviancy in the shadows.

    I never cease to be amazed at the number of 'shoot from the hip' morons who would proclaim an interest in children's welfare, yet are the very people that facilitate their sexual exploitation and abuse.

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    1. MC, I think that anger about paedophilia is understandable. But that anger needs to be directed into rational ways of protecting children.

      People who abuse need to be punished severely.

      But they also need treatment in the hope that they will never abuse again.

      I have done some work in this area and have found that there are two types of abuser - one type who is remorseful and does not want to reoffend - and another type who will want to reoffend.

      Our approach should vary from type to type.

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    2. Bishop Pat, of course anger against paedophilia is appropriate, even instinctive. I would never suggest otherwise: anger alerts us to the presence of evil. But if anger expresses itself in hatred, revenge, etc, then it has become an additional evil. It is this kind of anger that certain comnentors here have been close to expressing. While such anger will always present in this kind of circumstance, it must be challenged, because it is totally destructive, and self-indulgent.

      There are enough distressing examples in history of lynch-mob mentality.

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    3. Magna, you are being totally disingenuous. Paedophilia is indeed very complex and I don't detect any unusual anger or hatred being expressed towards paedophiles except instinctive, natural anger. That's perfectly acceptable to me. If we were talking about priest abusers, I've no doubt you'd approve of a "lynch mob mentality" - such is your contempt for priests and clergy in general and which you've tiresomely expressed on this blog so frequently. Today, you are confused but also very hypocritical, showing double standards. I hope you see your confusion and I write this with kindness for your benefit.

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    4. 15:26, you're obviously one of the 'shoot from the hip' morons I referred to.

      Why don't you try learning to read instead of just guessing what people type?

      You don't detect, on this blog, 'any unusual anger or hatred being expressed towards paedophiles'? Scroll back to the comment posted at 07:36. The commentor, referring to the young man in the above article, said of him: 'This "Adam" should be in prison for the rest of his life.'

      'Lock 'em up and throw away the key!' Says everything we need to know about the halfwit who made that comment. And about you, for thinking it doesn't express any 'unusual anger or hatred'.

      Your ability to judge is seriously in doubt, along with maturity.

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    5. MourneManMichael10 October 2017 at 19:30

      Magna, your retort @ 17:31 is a powerful on target riposte, and as such all the more valid and effective irrespective of whether or not anyone agrees with the stance taken. Actually I do.
      MMM

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    6. Magna at 17.31: Stop always judging people. I am by no means a moronic shoot from the hip type you so easily dismiss and despise! You are not master of all subjects. The point I made earlier, perhaps unclearly, is that any abused person has justifiable reason to feel anger, hatred and to want vengance towards their abuser. To feel this way is not "unusual" - it is perfectly natural. I talk from personal experience. I would not dismiss anyone's feelings and emotions whenever the issue of sexual abuse is discussed. We each find our way through the trauma and - how painful a process is known only to those who have been abused.Thankfully I got professional therapy and have found peace and healing through forgiveness, but it took a long time. I cannot understand ever why you are always so condescending and nasty to people who think differently to you and who, more often than you give credit for, actually make more relevant contrubutions than you from their "empathetic" and "compassionate" hearts. If course we need to discuss openly and honestly all relevant analysis and insights into paedophilia but we must remember the "abused" first and foremost. Having completed courses and qualified as a counsellor I would never countenance a visit to you for counselling of any kind. You have all too frequently shown your intolerance and crazy mood swings. We may be on the same wave length re: paedophilia but we have very different perspectives as to our "human" understanding of the issue and how it truly affects people. A little humility and an acknowledgement that, perhaps you believe too much in your own words only might make you more human.

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    7. Are you takin' the 'wotsit', 22:03? Are you the 'plonker' at 15:26? If you are, you reaped from me what you'd sown.

      Calling me 'hypocritical'. Saying I had 'double standards', that I would have a ' "lynch mob mentality" ' towards Catholic clergy. Calling me 'confused'. Did you really think that I was going to treat you with kid gloves after those insults? Stop whining and grow up. If you can't take it, then don't dish it out. 'Capiche'?

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  8. 10:13, I, too, was abused, as a child by an older male.

    I disagree with you: this issue needs to be discussed, rationally and, as far as possible, dispassionately by every one, not just by 'professionals'.

    Paedophilia cuts across social boundaries and has the potential to affect any one, either directly or indirectly. It should, therefore, be open to discussion by all.

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    1. I'm sorry to hear MC that you suffered abuse :-(

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    2. Thank you, Bishop Pat.

      I 'forgave' my abuser years ago. When I say " 'forgave' ", I mean that for my own healing of mind, body and soul, I made a decision to 'send out' forgiveness to this person, even though he had never requested it. Had he done so, it would have been as restorative for him as it was for me.

      I have gladly prayed for him. And this, after years of hard learning, I came to realise was the greatest form of justice: it uses the offender's own weapon (sexual abuse, or whatever) and turns it right back on him... for HIS 'destruction', in other words, 'for his healing'.

      Forgiveness is, as I stated recently on another of your blogs, reconciliatory if it is remorsefully requested. It has real power to heal. And that is its function.

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    3. I agree with you MC at 10 25. The point I was making is that we must inform ourselves intelligently re: paedophilia and not just make judgments and comments that will continue to offend, hurt and abuse. ("shoot from the hip morons"...) Researched and accurate information is essential - and is available. Nonetheless, it is a very painful topic to speak about especially if you have been abused, but we must speak honestly. I abhor all kinds of abuse and am adamant and insistent on Child Protection at all times.

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  9. In the UK there are a lot of reports of older children abusing little children.

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    1. Yes - please see the post @10.54.
      He/she explains how this may happen and how the professionals deal with it.

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  10. I mentioned on this blog the experiment of chaperoning that took place in Canada with convicted paedophiles. (And before anyone again asks for my source of this information, it was from a television documentary I watched some years ago. I don't recall its title.)

    The experiment was quite successful, as some of those convicted of paedophilia attested. The problem is that it was open only to convicted paedophiles.

    We need to reach out to those that haven't yet offended, but who may do so. However, we need to change our attitude (and work out our hostility) to those unfortunate enough to have this attraction. Not all paedophiles want to molest children, but many, I believe, might seek help if they were made to feel safe enough about 'coming out' as paedophiles. The emotive nature of some comments published here today would likely preclude such openness.

    We need to make up our minds. Is it really children we want to safeguard? Or do we simply want to project how WE feel onto another. Affirming the first question shows selflessness; affirming the second, self-indulgence.

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    1. MourneManMichael10 October 2017 at 13:58

      Excellent points Magna, especially in your last parag.
      Abuse more often thrives in the darkness. Bringing its prevalent reality out to be openly debated is a more healthy response, albeit uncomfortable for some for a whole variety of reasons.
      MMM

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  11. Magna, any abused person reading comments today would naturally and justifiably feel very hurt and perhaps offended. Thus we cannot be flippant in any way or too over academic. Yes, any person with paedophilic tendencies needs professional help and support. Those convicted of the heinous crime deserve the justice of the courts and rehabilitative therapy. (Incidentally that was a brilliant documentary which I also saw re: befriending paedophiles as a means of therapy - with very positive results). Those who experience the on-going trauma of abuse must be our primary concern. It can be a life time journey of healing. Language is very relevant when we listen to - and - speak with those who have been abused.

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    1. 13:59, do you recall the name of that documentary? Was it a British or Canadian production?

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    2. Magna, reference was made to the Circle of Support and Accountability (COSA) in a "Would you Believe" documentary - "Beyond Redemption" - about sex offenders. The Circle of Support for paedophiles was begun by a Mennonite Pastor and subsequently supported by an attorney who spent 20/30 years jailing such people. She is now an ardent supporter of the programme which has much success. Key in "Would you Believe" on sex offenders or look at Wikipedia "Circle of Support and Accountability". A worthwhile and interesting approach in therapy to helping sex offenders.

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    3. Thanks, 20:21.

      Shall do as you suggest.

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  12. I am very pleased to see this issue being discussed. I have myself wished to blog about it on various sites but have lacked the courage. To put it very straight forwardly, most human beings desire company and most associate, at least some of the time, with peer groups of one sort or another. These days, thankfully, in much of the western world, adults have legal consensual sexual freedom, but this of course is the point, an adult can consent, a child cannot. It is therefore, most definitely a child protection issue that paedophiles who ardently and determinately do not want to hurt children are embraced and supported not just by professionals but by society as a whole, else they will fill the need for company and belonging by the one group that will accept them, viscious, determined, manipulative active paedophiles, who not only will accept them, but tell them that their desires they have spent long, sad and lonely years resisting, are actually ok, natural (And doubtless 101 other excuses)
    So it is in everyone's best interest, but especially children, that societies attitude changes. Well done +Pat. (By the way, at about the age of 9, an older boy (about 14) asked me to perform actively, intercourse on him. I said no, because I thought, "Why on earth would anyone want to do that!" The boy respected that and nothing happened. The thought never left me though. I told my parents who were horrified. I so wish it could have been talked about sensibly as I grew into my homosexuality lonely and depressed and still carry that to some degree. As for the older boy? I hope it was just growing pains and not anything that would go on to be a danger to other children.)

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    1. To Tom Wood
      That boy was 14yrs - - an age of very high sexual curiosity. The most likely reason by far and no idea of the seriousness of saying and proposing that to you... Wouldn't be surprised if he now looks back on it with embarrassment or even horror and is probably very glad you declined. Of course, I don't know but children do hear bits of information...want to try things out.. etc.

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  13. Thank you @14.23
    and others who gave insight into the professional viewpoint. That was helpful. You drew attention to the important fact that a teenage abuser is always a Child Protection matter affecting both parties in different ways. Both need careful supervision. Both need help.

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  14. Off the topic (sorry)! Did you hear Pat that under Benedict the XVI a Christmas tree in St. Peters Square was charged to the Vatican at €500 000. The absorbent amount was reported to the Pontiff by Mgr Carlo Maria Vigano. What became of him? He was discredited by those who cashed in including Bertone and exiled as Papal Nuncio to the USA. From Secretary of the Governate of the Vatican to a Nuncio - what a demotion!!
    Sr. Mary

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    1. Whoever Sr. Mary is - your comment is so insignificant and irrelevant that its presence in the blog today makes you look a complete idiot. The word is "exorbitant" not 'absorbent' and your comment trivialises the serious issue being discussed. You cannot be a real "sister". Wouldn't expect a woman to have these silly concerns!! If commenting in future, please do so intelligently.

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    2. @19:55
      You are the quintessential internet troll, shrill, bigoted, mysogynistic and acerbic.

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    3. @19.55 I am sorry that my earlier post didn't seem intelligent enough for your far superior mind. I really would worry if you were going to lose sleep over the matter. Then again, I addressed the point to Fr. Pat, not you, and he deemed it intelligent enough to publish which is fine by me. Perhaps you have a problem with a religious posting on here and indeed, women in general. That is your problem, however, nobody else's. Check your own grammar in future and respond again with the proper use of a comma. Peace to you.
      Sr. Mary

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    4. What is the point of this "non sequitur"from poster 17.04 about a Vatican Christmas tree!!
      Could we at least get Halloween over?

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    5. @22.45
      Night night Sr M.
      Past your bedtime surely?

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    6. Sr.Mary at 22.45. Think it's past your bedtime. Stay with relevant,serious issues. Pat will print anything that's harmless or that may lead to his pet hates. I'm sure as a religious woman, you can rise above the propensity for gossip and tabloid gutter. Blog about serious, intelligent and helpful matters.

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  15. Pat someone is using your picture on a gay app called scruff and saying they are a chaplain to the gay community.

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    1. Never heard of it. What username are they using?

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  16. Sex Addicts Anonymous can help those who have a desire to stop addictive sexual behaviour and lead healthy sexual lives.

    http://saauk.info/en/meetings

    https://saa-recovery.org/Meetings/OtherCountries/meeting.php?country=Ireland

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  17. Sr. Mary at 17.04, we know who you are. You have become spiteful just like this sad excuse of a blog. It probably hurts that you were sent back from Rome to Ireland because you couldn't keep your trap shut. Your gossip is without foundation and is nasty. Just stop telling tales.

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    1. @19:40
      Another example of internet trolldom!

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    2. Well said!

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  18. I find the content confronting and uncomfortable which I would expect most people do, and by the comments it seems your readers also. However I tend to agree with you Pat that this is a serious issue that needs addressing and people like Adam who have no acted on this yet need to feel that they could look for help and receive treatment and support.

    I agree with several comments earlier including that this is a field for the experts such as child psychiatrists, psychologists and therapists. This is certainly not for the amateur counsellor in the form of the clergy, social worker or teacher. If ever a student felt comfortable and safe enough to say such a thing to me then I would certainly hand this on to a psychologist or psychiatrist as quickly as possible.

    I also agree that the groups Sex Addicts Anonymous much like AA can be of help, however I think that would be more in the long term once appropriate treatment had been received and the person was in a better state.

    Society needs to seriously address this issue as it is widespread and there are people from all walks of life and professions being charged with possession of child porn and various crimes against children. WE NEED TO PREVENT THIS BEFORE IT HAPPENS. THERE ARE FAR TO MANY VICTIMS ALREADY, AND SUPPRESSING DISCUSSION OF THIS OR COMING UP WITH LOCK THEM UP AS THE ONLY SOLUTIONS WILL ONLY EXACERBATE THE PROBLEM. SIN GROWS IN THE DARK AND HIDDEN. BRING IT TO THE LIGHT.

    An article a couple of days ago in the Irish Times I found brilliant where the Columban Missionary Fr Shay Cullen talks of banning paedophiles from travelling is worth a read. Find link below
    https://www.irishtimes.com/news/ireland/irish-news/irish-missionary-priest-calls-for-foreign-travel-ban-on-paedophiles-1.3248416

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    1. Shay Cullen needs to be aware of what is within and not within the law and that includes human rights law which was very hard earned.

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