Monday, 14 July 2014

NEW MANAGER FOR SLIGO FISH PLANT

NEW MANAGER FOR SLIGO FISH PLANT
Kevin Doran
The multinational company RC Fisheries Ltd yesterday installed a new "area manager" or "big fish" to oversee their fish plant in the Slgo area of the Republic of Ireland.

The new area manager's name is Kevin Doran and I have known him since he was 17 when he and I entered the company's Clonliffe Filleting Facility in North Dublin in September 1970. Most of the class of 13 were 18 years old and Kevin Doran was a year younger than the rest. We were all immature and niave and Kevin being a year younger than the rest was probable the most immature and niave of us all. There was one thing that made him stand out from the rest of us and having mentioned that thing in a previous Blog - and been reprimanded for so doing by some of my readers - I am perfectly contrite and therefore not at liberty to mention it again.

We all entered the Clonliffe Filleting Facility conveyer belt as young, idealistic,whole and full of testosterone. But the filleting began imnmediately.

The first thing to be done in the process of making "filleted priests" was the removal of the head. This meant that from that day forward you would be incapable of thinking for yourself.

The second stage of the filleting involved the slitting of the underbelly and the removal of the guts. This meant that the "filleted priest" will never have any courage and never take a real stand for himself or others.

The final stage is the removal of the backbone - and this completes the process in the creation of the "filleted priest" and further ensures that there will be no expression of independence and courage.

At the end of this process RC Fisheries has produced the perfect fileted fish to proclaim RC company policy.

The filleted fish is then out into company areas called "parishes"  as "branch managers" where their mission to create fileted men and women followers out of the worthless little fish called pilchards and whitebait. 

Any fish in the fish plant or in the parishes who refuse to undergo the filleting process are rejected and any fish who accidentially escape the filleting process are are discovered later are also discarded.

A small number of these "branch managers" who show that they are perfectly filleted are chosen, over time and promoted to be "area managers" or, as they are called in the RC Fisheries policy documents "bishops".

An even smaller number of these filleted "area managers" are eventually brought to the RC Fisheries HQ in Italy and are put in charge of the company's international operations. Most of these filleted area managers who move on to international management are of the shark variety.

The whole operation is overseen by a big fish called The Great White who can be recognised by his all over white skin and a distinctive marking called The Fisherman's Ring.

The Great White personally appoints the world's area managers.

The "area managers" appoint the "branch managers".

And the "branch managers" control all the small fish who are really the company's worthless pilchards and whitebait.

The new area manager for Sligo has introduced the following new rules for the Sligo Plant:

1. All midwives must consult him about their work in all the country's maternity units.

2. Terminations to save the lives of mothers are now outlawed in difficult pregnancies.

3. The fish in the Sligo area have to produce 6 new fish to him to be filleted within the next 9 months.

4. No fish in the country can form a same sex marriage with another fish. 

5. Compulsory celibacy is mandated for all filleted fish worldwide as it makes them better fish.

CONCLUSION:

It stinks !

+Pat Buckley
14.7.2014



2 comments:

  1. You havent lost your sense of wit Pat! Will young Mr Doran be walking the banks of the garavogue feeding the 5000 from the contents of a sardeine can? i hope the Sligo chip shop owners do not see this move as an infringement on their livlehood. Sean

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  2. Pat i'm so glad you didnt repeat you previous comment about him having a big willy. it made my eyes water every time i saw it.

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